Pain and Suffering

Pain and suffering are not synonyms. Suffering is optional.

PAIN IS NOT OPTIONAL.

Pain is a part of life. It may be physical, mental, emotional or spiritual, or any combination. But no matter how we describe it, the bottom line is that there is no avoiding it. Pain comes with the territory.

SUFFERING, on the other hand, is entirely and only a choice. It is a choice to dwell on your complaints, focus on what makes you miserable, and thereby increase your own pain.

But if pain is unavoidable, how can we tell the difference between pain that we are experiencing in the present and suffering that we are experiencing by keeping the past alive and/or projecting past or present pain into the future?

Where is the line between feeling and processing pain, rather than stuffing it away or hiding from it... and then suffering from it?

How do you allow yourself to greive in a healthy way?

Pain becomes suffering when we resist it, make generalizations about it, and attempt to avoid it. You have to experience pain and allow it to come and go in your life.

It is very helpful to notice your mind thinking about pain. The mind wants to figure out why it is happening and how to avoid it happening again in a similar way. The mind also generates positions, opinions, judgments, grievances, grudges, complaints, and strategies of avoidance, defense, manipulation, entitlement, and outlook in response to pain. None of these really helps us deal with pain and release it. Releasing pain is the key to reducing your suffering.

To release pain, you have to forgive, both yourself and others. In addition, you must practice acceptance as well as accountability for what has occurred and your part in it. Then and only then, can you release it. No regrets, no blame, no bitterness. It simply passes.

Pain is not negative but it is unpleasant. It is designed to create avoidance behaviors. “Once burned, twice smart,” the saying goes. But try as we might, and we do try mightily, there is no way to avoid pain.

The good news is that your own pain will not kill you. The bad news is that trying not to feel it will. Avoidance of pain leads to all sorts of problems, up to and including addiction and suicide. But if you have to experience pain, at least do not prolong it by adding a bunch of judgments and such. The pain is bad enough in and of itself. There is no need or purpose served by also suffering. Since all of the suffering is produced in your mind, it’s important to learn how to watch your mind at work. Then when you notice it creating suffering, you can choose to release it instead.

Carrying Pain

Want to let go of something? But it seems no matter how hard you try, you just keep clinging to it? Angry toward someone or something that happened? Can't seem to forgive? Remember the hurt like it just happened?

It helps to consider that you are not alone. It is your nature and you are wired to remember this way. Healing is not synonymous with forgetting. The pain you remember is yours forever. Do not resist it. The beginning of peace is to accept your own pain.

Some people are afraid that the pain they feel will kill them. It will be too much to bear. Remember that it is not the pain that kills you, but trying not to feel it. Think for a moment about what you do to avoid feeling pain.

Rejecting, avoiding and resisting our pain takes a great deal of effort, and is so frustrating that it creates its own additional pain, compounding the problem. You are going to carry this pain. Why fight it?

It is like walking in the rain. Your clothing is soaked and your hair is dripping. What good does it do to wipe of the water? What's the point of shaking your head? I knew a man who was a runner. He lived in a city where it rained most of the time. He said it didn't bother him because "there is just so much water you can carry," he said.